Confession: I had to be reminded to update this place today >.< Day 12: 22nd December
Had a party at Alex's house. lol kinda blog about it on the other blog, so yea in short, it was a fun-filled day with those who turned up for Jesus' birthday celebration :P
Day 13: 23rd December
I honestly have no idea why the closer I am to a group of people, the younger I appear to be. And it doesn't apply when I'm with one person only, it has to be a group. So yea, haha Mavis and TJ had to deal with me, especially like Mavis XD
We had a Cloupe dinner cum sleepover which was supposed to have 8. But thank God that even though only 5 turned up, it was still fun and in fact, it was just nice. Just nice for 5 people to sleep at the same time, just nice for 5 people to play using one deck of Monodeal, just nice for 5 people to give and share attention =P
Once again, God has proven that numbers don't matter, but what can be done through that number, even if it's a small one ;)
Day 14: 24th December
I think I had a rather nice conversation with Tim and Christabel after the Christmas service? haha It wasn't like on deep stuff, but hey hey, I'm like talking already! Trying my best okay, and finally it's working alright! Thank God for the improvement made; I can finally carry on with a conversation with them! =D
From this point onwards, it's going to be hard... but well, I'll try. I don't believe I can't find God's goodness in every single day of my life.
Day 15: 25th December
Had a rather nice time sitting with Gina, just idk, playing with each other's iPhones? haha we were looking at each other's stuffs in our phones. Oh and haha thank God for her man, that was probably the only time I laughed that day =)
Day 16: 26th December
It was really quite a bad day, it felt like everything, including myself, was working against me? I shall give this same example for the 3rd time today... I was having dinner just now and halfway through the packet of rice, I fell asleep with it still in my hands. When I woke up after I don't know how long, I decided that I should just put it down and not spill it and just go off to sleep, and guess what, I was feeling wide awake no matter how hard I tried to sleep, even in the same sitting position. I'm like WHAAAAT.
But well, thank God for Mavis! haha Pleas after pleas to entertain me, she finally gave in at about 9pm? We talked over msn's voice call and played games. haha seriously, the connection is working so much better than in skype! It was fun la, and that was when my day turned around and I started feeling better despite all odds.
Thank God for not allowing this day to be a sad day the whole way. There was at least some form of "light" shed ;)
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Back to praising Him =)
Day 10: 20th December
Anne was supposed to be back on this day. But she didn't.
The first thing I thought of when I sat myself down to think of something to thank God for on this day was that. Tried thinking of something else but my mind couldn't leave it.
And then I thought I saw something, I guess good, in it. These few days I started thinking of things again. Shall not say it. But I'm going to get a calendar for myself, and start crossing dates out till... I'm done.
"Coincidentally" or NOT, I just realised yesterday (21st December) that the title for the QT material for 20th December was "lasting the long haul". Link: Long haul... flight? Well, I don't know what that is to mean, but hmm... interesting!
And on this day, I thank God for a friend, a friend who has in mind of building a lasting friendship. Visit me wherever I've chosen to go eh? Thanks =)
Day 11: 21st December
Really really thank God for the evening spent with Annabel, Mavis and Celine. It was really an impromptu outing, where Annabel messaged us at about 2pm to ask if we were free, but nonetheless fruitful. Mavis and I were just making a fool of ourselves, but haha who cares as long as we're having fun and as long as we know the right time to be serious, right? =)
Thank God for blessing the time I had with them. Thank God for filling my day up too, if He had left it empty, I really don't know how it's going to turn out seeing that I actually woke up feeling sad and worried. Sad that Anne wasn't here when she's supposed to and worried about what is to come in 2011.
Actually, as I looked back, I realise that in sec 4 I had the same feelings of uncertainties about taking a major national exam in that year. I felt like retaining also. I started the year off with a bad promotional results too. But I lasted till the end in sec 4 and God blessed me with results better than what I've expected. I thank God though, I didn't not retain because of this because by retaining, yes I lost time but I guess I've gained a lot more than I've expected? For example, closer friends?
Anne was supposed to be back on this day. But she didn't.
The first thing I thought of when I sat myself down to think of something to thank God for on this day was that. Tried thinking of something else but my mind couldn't leave it.
And then I thought I saw something, I guess good, in it. These few days I started thinking of things again. Shall not say it. But I'm going to get a calendar for myself, and start crossing dates out till... I'm done.
"Coincidentally" or NOT, I just realised yesterday (21st December) that the title for the QT material for 20th December was "lasting the long haul". Link: Long haul... flight? Well, I don't know what that is to mean, but hmm... interesting!
And on this day, I thank God for a friend, a friend who has in mind of building a lasting friendship. Visit me wherever I've chosen to go eh? Thanks =)
Day 11: 21st December
Really really thank God for the evening spent with Annabel, Mavis and Celine. It was really an impromptu outing, where Annabel messaged us at about 2pm to ask if we were free, but nonetheless fruitful. Mavis and I were just making a fool of ourselves, but haha who cares as long as we're having fun and as long as we know the right time to be serious, right? =)
Thank God for blessing the time I had with them. Thank God for filling my day up too, if He had left it empty, I really don't know how it's going to turn out seeing that I actually woke up feeling sad and worried. Sad that Anne wasn't here when she's supposed to and worried about what is to come in 2011.
Actually, as I looked back, I realise that in sec 4 I had the same feelings of uncertainties about taking a major national exam in that year. I felt like retaining also. I started the year off with a bad promotional results too. But I lasted till the end in sec 4 and God blessed me with results better than what I've expected. I thank God though, I didn't not retain because of this because by retaining, yes I lost time but I guess I've gained a lot more than I've expected? For example, closer friends?
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Day 2 - 9
Day 2: 12th December 2010
Left for Cambodia with Thaddy, SW, Sandra Chua (surname's very important haha), Nat and Mr A. Initially, I thought, "alright, so I have 2 hours to either read or to sleep", but I ended up chatting with Thaddy throughout the flight.
It wasn't that I was forcing myself to talk to him, but the conversation was so interesting that we just kept going on with it. I quite like listening to him, he seems to know a lot and his words are wise. Thank God for this time that He has blessed us with, it's the most enjoyable flight I've ever had =)
Day 3: 13th December 2010
It was the first day of serving in Cambodia for this year's trip. I felt very self-conscious and I felt significantly insignificant. Started wondering if I should be there in the first place and well, basically just bad-mooded the whole day.
I thought hard about what I can possibly give thanks to God for and I arrived at this: I thank God for humbling me through these. It's not that He was putting me down, but I really to see that I'm a nobody and I'm not in the center of the universe whereby everything revolves around me. I need to be humbled and I thank God for helping me to abandon my self-centeredness and to go after what's more important.
When I stopped thinking about myself, I realised everything went better and I felt a lot better too! =)
Day 4: 14th December 2010
A day packed with thanksgiving!
1. As mentioned, it was a much better day than the previous day.
2. In the night, there was a time of sharing for the team about what happened in both the music and children's ministry. It's inspiring. Alright, I know this word is overused, but I seriously felt very inspired when I was there.
It's not really about the youths being prodigies or being able to pick up things fast. It's about their hearts. Their hearts towards learning and their hearts towards God. It caused me to reflect upon myself and well, I pale in comparison. Humbled.
And looking at how the music ministry people were sharing about their experiences, I was once again humbled. I saw how they were rejoicing over the youths there while I was upset over myself, I felt ashamed, utterly ashamed of myself.
I praise God for opening my eyes to these, and yes, there's a lot more for me to learn from these people =)
3. Had a great time strumming away with the music people. haha it's fun to be playing guitar together, boringggg to be playing alone.
4. We wrote our prayer requests on the PCC blog (www.carecambodia.blogspot.com) the previous night. On that day, we were witnesses of the fulfillment of everything that we have requested to be prayed for! Isn't God just awesome? =D
5. On the first morning, Alex shared about having no expectations at all but just leave it to God. I had my argument on my blog. haha if you know me well enough, I'm not someone who disagrees with people whom I do not know well upfront.
I honestly didn't know which one is right because the more I feel right about my own stand, the more I feel that my perception is being bounded by myself and there is a possibility of being unable to see what she meant.
That night, after hearing what the music ministry people shared, SW who told me earlier in the day that actually what Alex said was right, she told me that actually having expectations is probably important. I don't know how we can not expect anything, for this simple reason... how do you pray without expecting? If you say you pray for God's will to be done, isn't this a kind of expectation as well? That you expect God's work to be done through us.
But anyway, thank God for this opportunity to think over this issue and well, I think I'm more firm in this now. Expectations is needed.
6. We sang Still that morning. All along, I was just picturing that song as what happened in the storm and Jesus' disciples were panicking etc and it's to remind us to be still and know that God is with us. I wouldn't say that this picture was overthrown nor that it wasn't right. But I got something more from it.
7. Managed to call Anne Cheung up that night even though it was only for a few minutes before the connection failed me. Thank God for that =)
Day 5: 15th December
Thank God for Calida, for waking me up man! I jumped out of bed at 6.10am cos she woke me up, if she hadn't... oh mannn.
In fact, Calida was the one who woke me up every single day rather than me waking her up. There was one morning I asked her how long did she take to wake me up and she said usually I'll wake up by the 2nd time she calls me. I hope she's telling the truth, haha I don't wanna be a troublesome kid to wake up.
Day 6: 16th December
It was our first day at Takh Mao. It's very different from what we saw in Morning Star and it seems like the kids there have very little knowledge of God as compared to those in Morning Star. I'm thankful to God for bringing us there and not let us stay comfortable in Morning Star for the entire trip. It wasn't just about the place being an eye-opener, but it's more of like being able to make a greater difference in these children's lives, that more can know about God.
Day 7: 17th December
That early morning at about 3am, Calida and I were lying on our beds, just sharing with each other about how we feel towards what happened earlier on in the night. It was a good time of sharing. True that we were feeling fearful and worried, but I thank God that as we took time to pray together, His peace came upon us and we had a good rest. Thank God for the time of sharing too, because that seemed to allow us to know each other more.
That day when we were in Takh Mao, she came running to look for me and shared with me about what's happening. I felt that I was made special, that she bothered running up to ask for me and to tell me that the students learning music rededicated their lives to God =)
Oh yes, and praise the Lord that NOTHING IS ABLE TO STOP US FROM CARRYING ON WITH THE WORK OF GOD. Well, wet weather and so? We still trudge on into the village to CLAIM THE PEOPLE FOR GOD! Praise the Lord for every hearts that were willing to go on into the village, that were so eager to continue with what the Lord has started in the place. God was with us, yes yes yes! It was such a great day and yes, SOOOOO GLAD that we went in despite everything! =)
Day 8: 18th December
My dad, mom and sis said they were coming to pick me up when they didn't have to, and they had to travel from the west to the east, literally. It felt really sweet when I saw them coming all the way to pick me up even though they were late haha thank God for a family that loves me =) haha my mom and my dad kept telling me my mom missed me, but aiya, very hard to tell people that I miss them la >.<
Because my family was late, I was loitering around the airport. Thaddeus saw me walking away on my own and he asked me how I was going home. He sounded concerned cos everyone else had their parents picking them up and I seemed to be alone, but hehe, I smiled and said "I'm waiting for my mom!" Then Liana saw me and asked if I had a lift, I think she wanted me to offer me a lift back home, but hehe, I was waiting for my family! =D
Am I not fortunate to have been blessed with family and friends who love me so much? =)
Day 9: 19th December
Had a good rest at home. Even though I didn't do anything work-related, I managed to settle some little things. Like things that are always at the back of your minds which you simply have no time to bother about during normal school days? For example, sorting out songs on iTunes, uploading pictures etc. Thank God for the time spent at home!
Haha I hope no one's bored with my thanksgiving, because truly truly, if we open our eyes and look intently, we see God's goodness everyday =) May the Lord help me to continue seeing his greatness so even when darkness falls.
Left for Cambodia with Thaddy, SW, Sandra Chua (surname's very important haha), Nat and Mr A. Initially, I thought, "alright, so I have 2 hours to either read or to sleep", but I ended up chatting with Thaddy throughout the flight.
It wasn't that I was forcing myself to talk to him, but the conversation was so interesting that we just kept going on with it. I quite like listening to him, he seems to know a lot and his words are wise. Thank God for this time that He has blessed us with, it's the most enjoyable flight I've ever had =)
Day 3: 13th December 2010
It was the first day of serving in Cambodia for this year's trip. I felt very self-conscious and I felt significantly insignificant. Started wondering if I should be there in the first place and well, basically just bad-mooded the whole day.
I thought hard about what I can possibly give thanks to God for and I arrived at this: I thank God for humbling me through these. It's not that He was putting me down, but I really to see that I'm a nobody and I'm not in the center of the universe whereby everything revolves around me. I need to be humbled and I thank God for helping me to abandon my self-centeredness and to go after what's more important.
When I stopped thinking about myself, I realised everything went better and I felt a lot better too! =)
Day 4: 14th December 2010
A day packed with thanksgiving!
1. As mentioned, it was a much better day than the previous day.
2. In the night, there was a time of sharing for the team about what happened in both the music and children's ministry. It's inspiring. Alright, I know this word is overused, but I seriously felt very inspired when I was there.
It's not really about the youths being prodigies or being able to pick up things fast. It's about their hearts. Their hearts towards learning and their hearts towards God. It caused me to reflect upon myself and well, I pale in comparison. Humbled.
And looking at how the music ministry people were sharing about their experiences, I was once again humbled. I saw how they were rejoicing over the youths there while I was upset over myself, I felt ashamed, utterly ashamed of myself.
I praise God for opening my eyes to these, and yes, there's a lot more for me to learn from these people =)
3. Had a great time strumming away with the music people. haha it's fun to be playing guitar together, boringggg to be playing alone.
4. We wrote our prayer requests on the PCC blog (www.carecambodia.blogspot.com) the previous night. On that day, we were witnesses of the fulfillment of everything that we have requested to be prayed for! Isn't God just awesome? =D
5. On the first morning, Alex shared about having no expectations at all but just leave it to God. I had my argument on my blog. haha if you know me well enough, I'm not someone who disagrees with people whom I do not know well upfront.
I honestly didn't know which one is right because the more I feel right about my own stand, the more I feel that my perception is being bounded by myself and there is a possibility of being unable to see what she meant.
That night, after hearing what the music ministry people shared, SW who told me earlier in the day that actually what Alex said was right, she told me that actually having expectations is probably important. I don't know how we can not expect anything, for this simple reason... how do you pray without expecting? If you say you pray for God's will to be done, isn't this a kind of expectation as well? That you expect God's work to be done through us.
But anyway, thank God for this opportunity to think over this issue and well, I think I'm more firm in this now. Expectations is needed.
6. We sang Still that morning. All along, I was just picturing that song as what happened in the storm and Jesus' disciples were panicking etc and it's to remind us to be still and know that God is with us. I wouldn't say that this picture was overthrown nor that it wasn't right. But I got something more from it.
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Soaring above the storm doesn't mean just staying calm, but to do our best and achieve God's kind of excellence even when trouble strikes and obstacles are in the way. It's about overcoming. It's possible because "I will soar with YOU", not alone =)I will soar with you above the storm
7. Managed to call Anne Cheung up that night even though it was only for a few minutes before the connection failed me. Thank God for that =)
Day 5: 15th December
Thank God for Calida, for waking me up man! I jumped out of bed at 6.10am cos she woke me up, if she hadn't... oh mannn.
In fact, Calida was the one who woke me up every single day rather than me waking her up. There was one morning I asked her how long did she take to wake me up and she said usually I'll wake up by the 2nd time she calls me. I hope she's telling the truth, haha I don't wanna be a troublesome kid to wake up.
Day 6: 16th December
It was our first day at Takh Mao. It's very different from what we saw in Morning Star and it seems like the kids there have very little knowledge of God as compared to those in Morning Star. I'm thankful to God for bringing us there and not let us stay comfortable in Morning Star for the entire trip. It wasn't just about the place being an eye-opener, but it's more of like being able to make a greater difference in these children's lives, that more can know about God.
Day 7: 17th December
That early morning at about 3am, Calida and I were lying on our beds, just sharing with each other about how we feel towards what happened earlier on in the night. It was a good time of sharing. True that we were feeling fearful and worried, but I thank God that as we took time to pray together, His peace came upon us and we had a good rest. Thank God for the time of sharing too, because that seemed to allow us to know each other more.
That day when we were in Takh Mao, she came running to look for me and shared with me about what's happening. I felt that I was made special, that she bothered running up to ask for me and to tell me that the students learning music rededicated their lives to God =)
Oh yes, and praise the Lord that NOTHING IS ABLE TO STOP US FROM CARRYING ON WITH THE WORK OF GOD. Well, wet weather and so? We still trudge on into the village to CLAIM THE PEOPLE FOR GOD! Praise the Lord for every hearts that were willing to go on into the village, that were so eager to continue with what the Lord has started in the place. God was with us, yes yes yes! It was such a great day and yes, SOOOOO GLAD that we went in despite everything! =)
Day 8: 18th December
My dad, mom and sis said they were coming to pick me up when they didn't have to, and they had to travel from the west to the east, literally. It felt really sweet when I saw them coming all the way to pick me up even though they were late haha thank God for a family that loves me =) haha my mom and my dad kept telling me my mom missed me, but aiya, very hard to tell people that I miss them la >.<
Because my family was late, I was loitering around the airport. Thaddeus saw me walking away on my own and he asked me how I was going home. He sounded concerned cos everyone else had their parents picking them up and I seemed to be alone, but hehe, I smiled and said "I'm waiting for my mom!" Then Liana saw me and asked if I had a lift, I think she wanted me to offer me a lift back home, but hehe, I was waiting for my family! =D
Am I not fortunate to have been blessed with family and friends who love me so much? =)
Day 9: 19th December
Had a good rest at home. Even though I didn't do anything work-related, I managed to settle some little things. Like things that are always at the back of your minds which you simply have no time to bother about during normal school days? For example, sorting out songs on iTunes, uploading pictures etc. Thank God for the time spent at home!
Haha I hope no one's bored with my thanksgiving, because truly truly, if we open our eyes and look intently, we see God's goodness everyday =) May the Lord help me to continue seeing his greatness so even when darkness falls.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Day 0
Finally back from a youth camp which is supposed to end on Monday, but I had to leave early because I'm flying off tomorrow and I haven't packed yet >.<
The camp's been such a blast! Even though today's only the 2nd day, it felt like I've been there for a week or so when I was walking towards the gate which I came in from as I left the place. Oh man... I learnt so, so SO MUCH!
As I sit here trying to think of how I can put my thanksgiving across, I realise that I really don't know where and how to begin. There's just so much to say.
Well, I would say that both the people-factor and the God-factor plays a MAJOR role in making the camp such great fun. And YES, I AM STILL EXCITED!! =D
I mainly want to thank God for my LG. Wait, no. The unit. What's a unit, well... a unit is just a couple of cells/LG that are being grouped together. Thank God for these people, really. Meals together was good, sitting in a room just talking about random weird stuffs was good (I just realised, I don't recall gossips being any part of our conversation! So it's possible! :O), 'Mangsay!' (or whichever way it's spelt) was hilarious, BANG! was exciting, mass dance was fun, having people coming up to talk to me when I was sitting alone felt good and well these turned out good!
Just now during altar call, Ps Shirley told us to look for someone to pray for if the Holy Spirit gives us a word, after we got prayed for. I was just sitting there, waiting to hear something from Him... Jonliu was sitting beside me and halfway through, he asked me how was camp and what were my camp objectives, and I shared with him very honestly about how God had been moving and how my camp objectives were being met despite it being a 2 days camp for me only. He shared with me something which he was struggling with and wanted to overcome, and after listening I said, "okay, let's pray for you." It was quite awkward at the start la, probably cos we haven't really prayed with one another before even though we are in the same cell for the past 3 months. But after we got over the awkwardness and started to pray, I would say that's when things are different.
I have once heard that prayer connects people and so we should pray with one another oftenly. Not just 'for', but 'with'. And well, I guess I didn't know what that really meant until today. Things felt different after we prayed. As in, it's not that his struggles took a 180 degrees turn to something he's good in or what, but I felt as though... I don't know how to put this in proper words. To put it simply, it would be that I felt this friendship had changed, for the better. So I guess this is what they meant, because when we pray together, we bring ourselves to God together. Really thank God for this =)
Of course, there is also a God-factor in making the camp SO AWESOME. Last night, halfway through the worship after sermon I started tearing. I have absolutely no idea what triggered it, and I won't say I'm the kind who tears easily especially in front of people?
I started thinking back to how things were like 7 years ago when I began my walk with God, as compared to how it is like right now. Although I haven't lost my faith nor stopped going to church, I know that my spiritual life was spiraling downwards. I could see it. But God has always been faithful. Although my love for Him has changed (not for the better), throughout these 7 years, He never once said He's going to give up on me. And each time I fall, it is always His love that picks me up once again.
I want to rededicate my life and I want to see breakthroughs in my life again.
Today, pride was the topic between God and I. Half the time during worship at the start, I had no idea what was going on with the rest. I had to deal with that. Yes, pride. Then during sermon, it was being brought up by Raphael. And then altar call, it was being brought up again.
I thank God for helping me to see that I'm prideful. Prideful to the extent of placing myself above God unknowingly. I prayed for God to remove it from me and I know He heard my cries, and that's why, twice more He mentioned it. I take that as an acknowledgement from Him, saying that He had heard me. I will do my best and God, He will handle the rest.
During altar call, Leon asked me which area I wanted to pray for and I told him about this pride thing. In his prayers, he had said it right. I knew jolly well what I was asking for when I asked God for humility. It is not easy at all, because this would possibly mean that God will have to break me up and shatter me so that I can be freed from it. I know, I know. It's probably going to be so so so painful. But you know what, I am confident of my Heavenly Father's love for me. Yes, I will go through trials after trials after trials, but I won't be going through it alone. God will be with me. This is going to take a lot of courage, but well, let not the Lord allow me to go through it and be done with it on my own lest I turn back and see how I got over it on my own and be proud. I want to go through these with God's strength, with God's help, with all that I can never do but only God, so that I know that it is not me but God who has done it.
This brings me to the idea of creating this blog. During sermon, one of the questions Raphael asked was "how often do we give thanks?". I started thinking back, and I realised, shucks, I couldn't remember when I last did that. So yes, decided to create this blog and every single day, I will make it a point to thank God for something that He has done for me in the day. I will try my best not to miss any day(s) >.<
Another reason would be that well, after praying that God will take away my pride and seeing that I might be broken, I hope that every single day I will STILL be able to give thanks to God for something amidst this/these trial(s). And I'm actually thinking of sharing this blog url with the others, and if one day I should get too tired and fall away, remind me what it was that I prayed today and please, assure me that God is certainly still in control because He's moulding me.
Yup, so that's the reason why I've decided to set up another blog (again).
And even though I'm going to miss out the next 2 days, I believe that my God knows when I had to leave the camp. What He has in store for me, He has already given me in the 2 days I had in camp. So technically, I'm not missing out on anything because He has already given me what He had prepared for me =)
Oh and talking about that, thank God that the workshops were placed today so that I didn't have to miss out on any of them. The first one was vocals which I learnt quite a lot, and I hope I'll put them into practice! The next one was on contemporary issues so it was on how to decide what is the right thing to do. It actually sounds pretty much like TOK, so philosophy can totally fit Christianity please. If not why do you think there will be philosophers turning to Christ after being unable to find fault with the bible? And even though it's quite TOK, I wasn't tired of it at all. I didn't want to leave, yes, I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE. It was THAAAAT GOOD! I haven't had such a feeling for years, years. Sitting there for 2.5 hours didn't make me tired at all, I wanted to hear more, but sigh, had to leave cos we were supposed to have unit LG. But anyway yes, thank God for the wonderful sessions we had. It was really really good. I guess I won't mind having a full-day workshop like that.
Sorry for the long long post. I've tried to spare the details >.<
The camp's been such a blast! Even though today's only the 2nd day, it felt like I've been there for a week or so when I was walking towards the gate which I came in from as I left the place. Oh man... I learnt so, so SO MUCH!
As I sit here trying to think of how I can put my thanksgiving across, I realise that I really don't know where and how to begin. There's just so much to say.
Well, I would say that both the people-factor and the God-factor plays a MAJOR role in making the camp such great fun. And YES, I AM STILL EXCITED!! =D
I mainly want to thank God for my LG. Wait, no. The unit. What's a unit, well... a unit is just a couple of cells/LG that are being grouped together. Thank God for these people, really. Meals together was good, sitting in a room just talking about random weird stuffs was good (I just realised, I don't recall gossips being any part of our conversation! So it's possible! :O), 'Mangsay!' (or whichever way it's spelt) was hilarious, BANG! was exciting, mass dance was fun, having people coming up to talk to me when I was sitting alone felt good and well these turned out good!
Just now during altar call, Ps Shirley told us to look for someone to pray for if the Holy Spirit gives us a word, after we got prayed for. I was just sitting there, waiting to hear something from Him... Jonliu was sitting beside me and halfway through, he asked me how was camp and what were my camp objectives, and I shared with him very honestly about how God had been moving and how my camp objectives were being met despite it being a 2 days camp for me only. He shared with me something which he was struggling with and wanted to overcome, and after listening I said, "okay, let's pray for you." It was quite awkward at the start la, probably cos we haven't really prayed with one another before even though we are in the same cell for the past 3 months. But after we got over the awkwardness and started to pray, I would say that's when things are different.
I have once heard that prayer connects people and so we should pray with one another oftenly. Not just 'for', but 'with'. And well, I guess I didn't know what that really meant until today. Things felt different after we prayed. As in, it's not that his struggles took a 180 degrees turn to something he's good in or what, but I felt as though... I don't know how to put this in proper words. To put it simply, it would be that I felt this friendship had changed, for the better. So I guess this is what they meant, because when we pray together, we bring ourselves to God together. Really thank God for this =)
Of course, there is also a God-factor in making the camp SO AWESOME. Last night, halfway through the worship after sermon I started tearing. I have absolutely no idea what triggered it, and I won't say I'm the kind who tears easily especially in front of people?
I started thinking back to how things were like 7 years ago when I began my walk with God, as compared to how it is like right now. Although I haven't lost my faith nor stopped going to church, I know that my spiritual life was spiraling downwards. I could see it. But God has always been faithful. Although my love for Him has changed (not for the better), throughout these 7 years, He never once said He's going to give up on me. And each time I fall, it is always His love that picks me up once again.
I want to rededicate my life and I want to see breakthroughs in my life again.
Today, pride was the topic between God and I. Half the time during worship at the start, I had no idea what was going on with the rest. I had to deal with that. Yes, pride. Then during sermon, it was being brought up by Raphael. And then altar call, it was being brought up again.
I thank God for helping me to see that I'm prideful. Prideful to the extent of placing myself above God unknowingly. I prayed for God to remove it from me and I know He heard my cries, and that's why, twice more He mentioned it. I take that as an acknowledgement from Him, saying that He had heard me. I will do my best and God, He will handle the rest.
During altar call, Leon asked me which area I wanted to pray for and I told him about this pride thing. In his prayers, he had said it right. I knew jolly well what I was asking for when I asked God for humility. It is not easy at all, because this would possibly mean that God will have to break me up and shatter me so that I can be freed from it. I know, I know. It's probably going to be so so so painful. But you know what, I am confident of my Heavenly Father's love for me. Yes, I will go through trials after trials after trials, but I won't be going through it alone. God will be with me. This is going to take a lot of courage, but well, let not the Lord allow me to go through it and be done with it on my own lest I turn back and see how I got over it on my own and be proud. I want to go through these with God's strength, with God's help, with all that I can never do but only God, so that I know that it is not me but God who has done it.
This brings me to the idea of creating this blog. During sermon, one of the questions Raphael asked was "how often do we give thanks?". I started thinking back, and I realised, shucks, I couldn't remember when I last did that. So yes, decided to create this blog and every single day, I will make it a point to thank God for something that He has done for me in the day. I will try my best not to miss any day(s) >.<
Another reason would be that well, after praying that God will take away my pride and seeing that I might be broken, I hope that every single day I will STILL be able to give thanks to God for something amidst this/these trial(s). And I'm actually thinking of sharing this blog url with the others, and if one day I should get too tired and fall away, remind me what it was that I prayed today and please, assure me that God is certainly still in control because He's moulding me.
Yup, so that's the reason why I've decided to set up another blog (again).
And even though I'm going to miss out the next 2 days, I believe that my God knows when I had to leave the camp. What He has in store for me, He has already given me in the 2 days I had in camp. So technically, I'm not missing out on anything because He has already given me what He had prepared for me =)
Oh and talking about that, thank God that the workshops were placed today so that I didn't have to miss out on any of them. The first one was vocals which I learnt quite a lot, and I hope I'll put them into practice! The next one was on contemporary issues so it was on how to decide what is the right thing to do. It actually sounds pretty much like TOK, so philosophy can totally fit Christianity please. If not why do you think there will be philosophers turning to Christ after being unable to find fault with the bible? And even though it's quite TOK, I wasn't tired of it at all. I didn't want to leave, yes, I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE. It was THAAAAT GOOD! I haven't had such a feeling for years, years. Sitting there for 2.5 hours didn't make me tired at all, I wanted to hear more, but sigh, had to leave cos we were supposed to have unit LG. But anyway yes, thank God for the wonderful sessions we had. It was really really good. I guess I won't mind having a full-day workshop like that.
Sorry for the long long post. I've tried to spare the details >.<
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